The BBC announced this morning that electronic virtuoso Richard D James (commonly known as Aphex Twin) is replacing David Tennant at the end of the year, despite previous press releases. Series Five will be directed by renowned film-maker Chris Cunningham.
An episode guide has been released to the public:
Episode One: Windowlicker by Pip and Jane Baker
The Doctor travels in his TARDIS, which has now assumed the shape of a kilometre long limousine. He lands on Earth, and accidentally crashes his TARDIS into the bombed-out car of two pimps. The girls they were courting with are impressed with the Doctor's dancing, and subsequently morphed their faces into his and tried to wow them with their new-found beauty. The Doctor can't resist; this new incarnation of his is absolutely infatuated with his face. He escapes them and finds himself surrounded by a bunch of dangerous bikini girls with hideous faces. He destroys them by using his sonic champagne bottle and spraying over their wet, slippery bodies. He then retreats to his TARDIS and leaves.
Episode Two: Come to Daddy by Terrance Dicks
The Doctor, much like in the 10th Doctor episode Blink, leaves an old lady a video message on a television screen in a seedy suburban area. The message says 'Come to Daddy, come to daddy, come to daddy, come to daddy!'. Bemused, she continues walking her dog, when a group of children bearing the Doctor's famous face chase after her with assorted weapons. They start fighting each other and jumping in puddles whilst holding hands. But when two of them fight over the television and smash it on the ground, the television morphs, and turns into the exoskeleton of a monster that looks suspiciously like the Doctor. So the old lady actually dies, and the Doctor's incoherent and nonsensical attempt to save her life fails. Distraught, he enters his TARDIS once again and leaves.
Episode Three: All is Full of Love (Part One) by Bjork
To the Doctor's horror, his favourite film-maker Chris Cunningham has stopped making Aphex Twin videos, and instead begins work on a Bjork video entitled All is Full of Love, which features a robot of Bjork making out with another robot of Bjork. The Doctor is outraged; only he is allowed to make out with his own face. And so he goes back in time to call Chris Cunningham and tells him to cancel the video and he does, causing a humongous time paradox. Realising this was a stupid thing to do, The Doctor leaves. Chris forgives him, and begins working on a new music video...
Episode Four: The Four-Hundred Doctors (Part Two) by Gary Russell
...which features The Doctor making out with four hundred different people that share the same face as him. The Doctor is in ecstasy, and wishes to never stop. But eventually he does stop out of boredom and drives off in the TARDIS.
Episode Five: Rubber Johnny by Johnny Byrne
The Doctor hears rumours about a little alien child living in a hospital room that mutates in time to fast breakbeat rhythms and spews his innards out crazily, and occasionally snorts cocaine in vast amounts whilst spinning around at impossible speeds in his wheelchair. The Doctor turns up at the room, opens the door and gazes his eyes on the child. Disgusted, he says 'for fuck's sake, look at you, you great clod you! fucking stupid little...' before wandering off back to the TARDIS.
Episode Six: Come On You C**nts, Let's Have Some Aphex Acid! (Finale) by Robert Holmes
The Doctor rocks up at a dance hall prepared to do an electronica concert with fellow time-signature-lords Squarepusher and Luke Vibert, but they don't turn up. In their place are the Doctor's worst enemies, the Daleks, who are armed with Roland TR-909 drum machines, who are threatening to use the Doctor's own weapon against him: Aphex Acid.
I managed to leak some of the footage from the finale, which I've compiled into the following video:
http://ugmoinc.gavinowers.com/ugmorecords/Aphex%20Who.avi
Well, needless to say I'm very impressed. Your thoughts?
